800th.

thank you Grace.
sorry to you girls.

today was real screwed up. but serves me right so no hugs for me. i'm sad though. i still want hugs. sorry D.

i think i really need to turn to God. Father i'm so screwed i'm so sorry i need Your loving hands to comfort me.

Labels: God, screwed

friends ?

when did qn mark start to follow friends. terrible. what happened to us seriously, where us does not refer to anyone or group in particular. just feel screwed up. i'm disappointed.

but who am i to say all this. i'm not perfect. no one is. &i ought to work on my own flaws before criticising others. my boyf shld leave me for a better girl right. i'm just a bitch who picks on a speck of sawdust on someone else when i actually have a wooden plank myself. yeah it's from the Bible but i can't rmb the exact verse cause i'm an awful backslider. jasmine what a disgrace.

shame on myself for being such a bad person.

Labels: friends, screwed

this face shld be the most familiar one to me. every mole, every blemish...
i like looking at you. sometimes you'd look back at me, sometimes you'd allow me to admire your side profile. but today. today was different. when i looked at you, i saw your eyes. they looked at me with disappointment, sadness, worry &a slight reluctance to stand by me.

i'm sorry that i'm such a letdown, always. so wilful, so dependent on you, so bloody selfish. i'm sorry i ruined the fun we cld have had (&we're definitely doing this again guys ! promise i won't get screwed, serious). i've tears in my eyes as i'm typing this. yeah you're right, this is what i always do to you. &it's as if i've the licence to do so-- to hurt you physically &verbally instead of giving you loving hugs &kisses. you probably won't believe me, but i love you i love you i love you. thrice, i said those words.
i don't know who gave you this sort of strength to go on being with me, because i'm such a brat. i know how much you've sacrificed so willingly, i know every night sth tugs at your heart &you realise your bed's too empty. i know i can never imagine what you'd do for/to me just to ensure that i'm happy &safe. you're the best, every single time you draw me into your arms. you're the best, every time you smile at me &tell me it's okay. you're the best, cause when i feel down, i run to you for comfort; when i'm gleeful you're there to share my joy &laugh with me. but how does the little girl you dote on so much treat you ? i don't even know where to begin recounting my inconsiderate &hurtful deeds.

i won't say sorry, i know you want sth more than that. you scoff when i say i'll try, but i'm still gonna say it-- i'll try to redeem myself.

thank you for your faith, loyalty &your tender loving care. you're in every special way appreciated.

In these ever-changing days,
You're the one thing that remains.
I could stay like this forever.

Labels: love, new year, screwed, thank you

its a pity when good friends drift apart.

i was looking thru my past testimonials &i saw many many testimonials from ppl i used to be close with (well, at least on friendster we were close in my opinion), like junice, cheehooi &lixin.
i miss e times when we talked cock over friendster.

2006 was a great year. i dont know what happened to sec3, i really dont. i hate my life now. i'd rather go back &stay in 2006 forever, with all my dearests.

i hate changes, as much i hate to admit it.

i miss you junice &cheehooi &lixin !! &cheehooi i still owe your bday present leh dammit ._. ok not like you'll see this but i miss all of you girls.

Labels: screwed

i know im like, not supposed to blog about stupid shit stuff cause today's supposed to be happy. but still... IM FEELING DAMN SHIT.

to LG aka Lucky Girl (lol):
hello.
i guess we read each other's blog la hor. from your entries, i infer you read my blog. so yup, tong zhou ren aye.
hmm i really really wanna tell you that: I AM SO SO SO ENVIOUS OF YOU haha. cause at least you sms him yeah ? &you guys talk like hell. weeseow told me actually im no worse since he used to be my boyfriend. but anyhow...
hmm so erm please be very very very very very very very good to him ok !! sometimes he plays too much &neglects you but its alright la hor. try to compromise cause he's a crazy noobass gamer. then then erm. please take care of him ok yeah &i know he's like super cute right !!!!! ahhahoho. i dont know whether he likes you or whether he'll ever like you but then just treat him well ok ! :D
i just want him to be happy so you better make sure he's what you call him ! or else i'll do sth nasty to you lol.
***

sometimes i wish you'd just come &take a look at my entries.

Labels: screwed

wahlau bloody blogger forced me to switch. damn dumb rah !! so gay la right zzz !
anyway i forgot what i wanted to blog.
but do take care, my dear. fly away but i'll be waiting.
all e best, stupid gay.

argh i have become a stupid procastinator. dammit so shitty. /: come back nerdy jazz ! yay run run run tmr ! (: (: love carrots &keesiaos. /: &--x---.

&why must ppl have so many bfs/gfs before they settle down &get married then before you know, they're signing e divorce papers. &everything happens again, &again... /: why cant we stop being so fickle-minded &learn to commit &love &last till death ? why why why. why must we be so stupid. why must we have so many boyfriends. why cant we just love forever. ): why dont teenage relationships last. why are we so stupid &childish. why dont we learn to cherish before everything's gone ? why didnt i love you more ? why didnt i annoy you less ? why did i do all e things that drove you away. why.

then when you're seeing someone, why cant i just let go ? why must i be so miserable ? esp when its been 3months ?? why must girls be so stupid. why must i keep hanging on. why am i such a pest. why cant i forget you. why.

why do i keep missing you so much. why am i still so obsessed with you. why do i love you. you dont love me anymore, why dont i just let you fly away. why am i so sad over you ? you dont even care. why cant i be more cool &pretend im so fucking fine.

i cant stand this alr. why am i so stupid. why am i feeling so screwed. in years to come, you'll be but-another-guy. why am i clinging onto you like gross, chewed gum ? why cant i stop loving you. why does my heart ache whenever i think of e past. why dont you love me back. why dont i talk to you. why dont i be friendly with you. why dont i greet you. why do i ignore you. why do i stare. why do i cry. why do i want your hug so much. why do i need you so much. why must you become a part of my life before ditching me. why must all of this happen. why did i irritate you so much. why do i miss you so. why are you all over me ? why is your name on my mind forever. why do i cry for you inside. why do i love you so.

Labels: screwed